The 90/10% Rule

Have you ever felt third party awkwardness when watching a movie? Take the movie Hitch for example; specifically the scene where Hitch is teaching Albert how to kiss. The rule is that the man goes 90% and lets the woman come the other 10%. Albert then proceeds to go the full 100% and kisses Hitch. Cringe worthy, am I right?! Imagine this happening in real life…

Sit back, relax and brace yourselves as I recount my big movie moment.

I had gone on a few dates with a guy I met online, and everything seemed to be going well. For our fourth date we decided to make pizzas together. After dinner, we were watching some tv and I turned to say “How did you like the show?” and before I even finished the sentence, he was right in my face kissing me! My date broke the 90-10% rule, opting instead for a full speed ahead 100% face smush! At the time, I was thinking he must be nervous. After all, life is not a rom-com, and first kisses aren’t always Hollywood swoon fests. So I just went with it, I let him kiss me. When he left later that night, I didn’t find myself feeling elated or happy even. I just felt yucky. Truthfully, I wasn’t ok with the situation. Nothing about that first kiss felt special or romantic, it felt forced. In fact, it all happened so quickly that I didn’t even have time to process how I was feeling. In that moment, my gut was giving me a gentle nudge. Every time I thought about what happened, I cringed. I had no time to prepare. I wasn’t even given the option to choose whether or not I wanted to be kissed! What happened wasn’t nerves, it was just plain disrespectful.

One thing that I have learned over the years is to trust your gut. If something is off, your gut will tell you. It’s your #1 red flag indicator. I have had a bad track record of ignoring these signals, and it has always ended badly. I was the girl who would make excuses for people; always giving them the benefit of the doubt. This time, I chose a different path. I followed my gut with no second or third or fourth chances, and it felt great; a weight was lifted. I took control of the situation, and politely declined any further interaction with this man. That being said, if you are feeling really unsure, and it’s not reached a cringe worthy level yet, try the 3 strikes and you’re out rule. Give them 3 chances and if your gut still feels uneasy, walk away. Be kind, be compassionate, be understanding, but don’t settle. You deserve more than feeling uncomfortable to make someone else happy.

So, my big movie moment was not exactly what I had in mind. All I can say now, is that I hope my next first kiss will be like the one in the final scene of Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Come on, I don’t think I’m asking for too much here! He just needs to ensure that there’s matching trench coats, a yellow taxi cab, rain, and an adorable cat, all while Moon River is playing in the background... what could possibly go wrong?

"Always be the leading lady of your own life" - Audrey Hepburn

xo S.H.G.