Make a List- Because I'm Worth It

You know that saying “hindsight is 2020”? Let’s just say I’ve learned this the hard way, and it was one hell of a rollercoaster. To be clear, I hate rollercoasters. My mom has always said that there’s no such thing as regrets, but lessons learned, so don’t beat yourself up! She’s such a flawless queen.

If I have one piece of advice that I can share, it’s make a list before you get involved with anyone romantically. Ladies, take some time and really reflect on what it is that you want from a partner. If you go into a relationship all willy nilly, you could end up down shit’s creek without a paddle. Ain’t nobody got time for that. It took me three toxic relationships and a year of therapy before I actually made a list! If you can skip those steps and jump right to the list that would be ideal. Going through those struggles only helped me to better know what I want now, but I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy!

I would get out of one relationship and seek the complete antithesis of the last guy. This was all surface qualities, and only slapped a bandaid on the real issue. For example, Billy Britain was messy, so I’ll date Dick who likes to keep a clean house, Dick didn’t have a job or a car, so I’ll date TD Bank who is completely independent etc. I never actually asked myself what I wanted. Isn’t it crazy how us nice girls make ourselves our last priority? We are too consumed trying to make everyone else happy. We have big hearts and this is a selfless and wonderful quality, but it’s not a recipe for success. So my sweetheart girls I urge you to ask yourselves “WHAT DO I WANT?”

What would happen if you cared for yourself as deeply as you do for others? Yes, be selfish for once! It’s your life we’re talking about afterall, and you only get one. Don’t ever settle! Make a list. Write out all of the qualities you are looking for in a partner. Now you can’t expect someone to check off 20+ boxes, so once you have made your list, narrow it down to a few absolute non-negotiables. Here’s an example:

-Loyal

-Independent (educated, employed, owns a car, financially sound)

-Feminist

-Respectful

-Honest

-Humble

-Trustworthy

-Gentle/Kind

-Wants kids and pets

-Agnostic or not religious

-Creative

-Supportive

-Funny

-Generous

-Healthy lifestyle

We’re not done yet. Do you know what love does to your brain? When you first meet someone that you fancy, you become euphoric. This is because you’re experiencing a hormone rush which is an influx of oxytocin, dopamine, adrenaline, estrogen and testosterone. Love is quite literally like a drug because alarmingly it activates the same system in the brain as a cocaine addiction. Needless to say, you’re not going to be thinking straight. This is going to be tricky in the moment, but when you meet someone keep referring to your list. Does this person check the boxes? Know what you want and don’t settle for less, period. Your mantra is L’Oreal’s slogan: Because I’m worth it. If he doesn’t check the boxes pull a South Pacific and wash that man right outa your hair! Rinse and repeat.

xo S.H.G.